Leaving New York, Never Easy

While alot has been written, scripted, filmed, and sung about how great life is in the Big Apple, those of us NYC expatriates leaving the mothership often have this identity crisis that takes months to repair. You belong there but live here, then you don't belong there and you don't belong here, and then very slowly you convert over. Very little is written about us. I have taken solace in the collective experience of my friends who have made this transition. I moved to Philadelphia for professional training, not wanting to leave NYC in the first place, but taking the next best closest thing to it for a boost in my career. One friend met the love of her life and moved here, one came for school, others because life in NYC was getting expensive, and yet others because of work. It took me a painful 6 months to get over the change in energy, another 6 months to form new roots, 6 months to discover Philadelphia's gems, and now 6 months where I am not really wanting to leave. I have the option of moving back to NYC and eventhough I have savored that thought many times as I was going through my transition, I recently visited and am ambiguous. A year ago, I would have moved back in a heartbeat if I could. Yeah, I love the energy of my old stomping grounds. I love seeing my friends. I love knowing where all the things I want are located. But, I also have acquired an appreciation for my space, my time, my peace, and the deeper relationships I have established because a hundred things aren't vying for my time. Oddly, my recent visits have brought on this feeling of "been there, done that". I am uncomforatable at the thought of contorting into a small apartment again eventhough it never bothered me in the first place. Worse is the remembrance of the inevitably painful transition and the possibility of having to do it all over again if I leave NYC again in the future. REM's 'Leaving New York" kept in my head... "Leaving New York's never easy. I saw the light fading out." It is hard. And it still is not perfect. But more and more these days, I am happy where I am.