Brainfried

Nieces Anika and Xia

Just got back from an interview in Bethelehem on which I had two epiphanies that this is not where it's at. For the record, the interview went well and I liked the people/place. But on the way there, I passed a silo and just about freaked out. Passing silos on the way to work each day - what the hell am I doing?? This is not me. Then, after 2 hours in the car on the way back (I got lost a few times), I got a migraine and had to stop for rest, food, gas, recovery at a coffeeshop in Mt. Airy. I essentially stared into space for 2 hours shaken while the staff at InFusion mopped and swept around me. I need to be near work. Period.

My brain is sooooo fried. It is in overtime at all times for the last 3 months. I don't listen to people when they talk to me. I can't concentrate. I no longer even see their mouths moving. I have jetlag so badly on top of it. I need sleep. My thoughts are eating up my brain. At least they are happy thoughts. Sometimes scared thoughts. Always planning thoughts. Trying to stay in the moment. Need to work systematically. Fatigue will put it all thoughts into perspective. Can't sleep, must plan, must return phone calls, must make lists. Then won't think yet. Listen to mucsic, focus on the music. Calm. Signed up to sing in Sanskrit. Certifiably insane. Mad laughter. Strangely looking forward to it. Acting class tomorrow - will show up and watch. Did not do assignment. Don't even know what the assignment is. Need to cope tomorrow at work, busy day. Weekend good for jetlag. I need sleep.