Mavi Gupta

Wicked was phenomenal! It was clever, funny, the lighting was out of this world, and the songs, especially 'Defying Gravity' was edge-of-your-seat breathless, and we had the last two tickets available, backrow. If tickets costs were not prohibitive, I would see it again. Totally worth it.

Today, I have to memorize my script for tonight's acting class. I play an evangelist who sits in the bathroom praying on people waiting to use it. Actually, she locks all the bathrooms on purpose and then camps out on the sofa waiting for her victim. This class is acting for the camera at the Walnut theater and the best part is when we get to watch the takes and you see how you did. Most of the time, it's side-splitting laughter at the product. It's the best class.

Today's tasks: work on my entrepreneurial class assignments, go visit the Myrna Bird Integrative Health Ctr downstairs to see what's going on down there, learn my lines and get the delivery right, and go to the library to pick up my articles. And surf the net.

Wicked

Yeay!! The day has finally arrived when the tickets Marni & I bought months ago come due - for Wicked. We've been wanting to see this for over a year and now, today, we go! I'll tell you how it is. And it's gorgeous outside, Spring is in the air, and I have an hour presentation today and I hope it rocks (if I go now and practice it). The group is really interactive but have thrown me curveball questions in the past so I hope they don't ask anything too unrelated this time. I've had to weasle my way out of some of them. While I'm on the subject, I hate it when people ask two questions at the same time. I'm up there and I answer their first question and then I can't remember what their second question was. It's like you have a lightening bolt of Alzheimer's. 'What am I doing here?, What is this?, Who are these people?? Help!!'

Well-Being

Woke up this morning with a total sense of joy and a strong feeling that everything is going to be OK. The next two months are going to be so fun, a time to explore and imagine all the wonderful possibilities and it is all going to fall into place. I'm at work and positively radiating, I feel so good. I've got great things planned this week and next week and then, off to San Diego - sun, beach, going out with Yvona - what's not to love right now?

Hat I knit but Xia stole

The Glass Box Conundrum

I do some of my best work in spaces that have lots of light, good music, and good tables. Two new coffeeshops just opened up near me making up for the loss of The Millenium in my neighborhood. I loved Millenium's floor to ceiling windows and the light that flooded in, and when the weather was nice, they would open up the windows and you felt like you were outside. However, I do not miss the the loud Queens for whom no topic was taboo and who seemed to pop up like a jack-in-the-box whenever you needed to concentrate. So I am really excited about the arrival of Chapterhouse on 9th and Bainbridge. Light, airy, internet access, great artsy crowd, professionals, good music - what's not to like? Actually, the cupcakes suck. I have some advice... Crisco is not frosting. Another one, Cafe (something or other), opened on 10th between Walnut and Locust, also very cool on first visit. I haven't checked this one out after dark, however, my fear being that it will be heavily patronized by medical students and not be distinguisable from the library. Eeeew. The Pond in Northern Liberties has the best ginger tea EVER and feels like your living room. The staff is awesome and the crowd is interactive. Pipe up your opinions at any time even if it is none of your business. InFusion in Mt.Airy - good lighting, high ceilings and a very patient staff who kept me off Lincoln Drive, that road from hell. Alot of lesbians, young students, and older guys who looked they had been there for days and dust was starting to settle on them, I don't know.

Patience, Om

"i beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now."

-rainer maria rilke

I'm outta here!

Yeah, it's Friday, although this weekend that makes no difference to me as I have to work my other part-time job. But Winter pays for Summer and working now means no work in summer - Yipee! Two great months off to do whatever I want to do. Brazil, FINALLY, will be nice. I want to go see a band tonight but it's late, and it's going to hurt tomorrow when I have to wake up at 6am. But hey, that's what Modafinil is for. You still feel terrible but it gets you through the day and is way better than coffee. Would have been nice to have this through residency in NYC. Crawling back home at 4am from a night out and working the next day, ouch. Or working a 30 hour shift without sleep. Thank god that's over, but this weekend I plan to visit old times.

Wishing I was there and not here....

Trekking in the Andes, Peru. See June Blog.

Get a Move On

I have a research day today and my project is sooooo boring. I understand it's relative importance to the economics and future of migraine and I PROMISED I'd work on it, so there I go. Diseases related to young women are underfunded; I don't think our society sees us as an important influencial demographic. We are somehow seen as 'emotional and fickle' and the best and brightest of us are out here working our butts off changing that perception. I counsel alot as part of my job as a headache specialist. I counsel women on stress, relationships, work-life balance, alternative therapies, anxiety and depression. Well it's no wonder it's a struggle, if we are seen as emotional and fickle and unable to make our own decisions. PlannedParenthood is right across the street from where I live and I am in disbelief that people would stand out there and protest in this busy day in age. I am not even allowed to make my own decisions, to lead my own life because I am a young woman? How dare you?!

That undercurrent is running pretty strongly in my life right now as I make my own decisions of how I want my life to be. I have to be brave against all odds and mold my life to my mind's eye. I can do this. I know I can.

Stick it to me, monkey

Another job interview today. The job in New York fell through about 24 hours after the silo epiphany, so I now have no eggs in my basket. Nothing is sticking, I swear. I am rubber girl. All I can do is remove myself from myself, or like one of my patients said to me, stand outside yourself and look at yourself from afar. "Your life is so exciting", everyone is saying to me. If you could only enjoy this time and know that it is transient. Yes, it is exciting. But not in that "I am sooooo excited" sorta way. Not if you are in it. It's like a roller coaster ride gone bad. I know what I want to be doing, I just want to go be doing it. NOW. I just want everything to fall into place very soon.

I am making alot of progress on the Hanuman Chalisa. Recitation of the Hanuman Chalisa is supposed to help remove obstacles for those who attempt it. I have two different versions, and I don't know what rhythm to choose. Neither of them fit my voice great, but I have to pick one and stick with it. I don't even know who is going to accompany me yet. Stick it to me, monkey.

Brainfried

Nieces Anika and Xia

Just got back from an interview in Bethelehem on which I had two epiphanies that this is not where it's at. For the record, the interview went well and I liked the people/place. But on the way there, I passed a silo and just about freaked out. Passing silos on the way to work each day - what the hell am I doing?? This is not me. Then, after 2 hours in the car on the way back (I got lost a few times), I got a migraine and had to stop for rest, food, gas, recovery at a coffeeshop in Mt. Airy. I essentially stared into space for 2 hours shaken while the staff at InFusion mopped and swept around me. I need to be near work. Period.

My brain is sooooo fried. It is in overtime at all times for the last 3 months. I don't listen to people when they talk to me. I can't concentrate. I no longer even see their mouths moving. I have jetlag so badly on top of it. I need sleep. My thoughts are eating up my brain. At least they are happy thoughts. Sometimes scared thoughts. Always planning thoughts. Trying to stay in the moment. Need to work systematically. Fatigue will put it all thoughts into perspective. Can't sleep, must plan, must return phone calls, must make lists. Then won't think yet. Listen to mucsic, focus on the music. Calm. Signed up to sing in Sanskrit. Certifiably insane. Mad laughter. Strangely looking forward to it. Acting class tomorrow - will show up and watch. Did not do assignment. Don't even know what the assignment is. Need to cope tomorrow at work, busy day. Weekend good for jetlag. I need sleep.

Listening today to ...

Finally flying out of the Bay Area back home. I am looking forward to being back home and wearing different clothes, seeing my wonderful friends, gathering the info to make the Phila vs NYC work year decision and having that settled. In my CD player today: "Unhand the World" by Blivit and "Offerings" by Vas. So different, both great.

PharmAmorin: Late Breaking News

Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love Of Pharmaceutical Companies

March 6, 2006 | Issue 42•10

NEW YORK—The Food and Drug Administration today approved the sale of the drug PharmAmorin, a prescription tablet developed by Pfizer to treat chronic distrust of large prescription-drug manufacturers.

Pfizer executives characterized the FDA's approval as a "godsend" for sufferers of independent-thinking-related mental-health disorders.


"Many individuals today lack the deep, abiding affection for drug makers that is found in healthy people, such as myself," Pfizer CEO Hank McKinnell said. "These tragic disorders are reaching epidemic levels, and as a company dedicated to promoting the health, well-being, and long life of our company's public image, it was imperative that we did something to combat them."

-The Onion, March 6th, 2006

Philosophy for Today

"Your work is to choose from that which feels good to you, and fixate on it as long as it gives you pleasure and joy. In doing so, you will live a magnificent experience. You just have to not let your joy depend upon what anybody else is living, 'cause that'll get you every time."

From Abraham-Hicks

Confessions of a Spider

One of my friends in New York City nicknamed me "The Spider" or lovingly, "Spidey". Whereas, I am thankful that this epithet hasn't caught on (something to do with casting a web and people getting stuck in it, I'll leave the rest to your imagination), it is the creature that I probably identify most with. Lately, it seems like one of my eight legs are in one project or another and I'm trying to spin it all into something worthwhile. One of the projects I am very proud of is launching M.E.O.W., hopefully this spring. The Migraine Educational Organization for Women ( M.E.O.W.) is a platform for educating women in their 20's and 30's, the demographic that migraine affects most, by myself and other headache sufferers and healers in the same demographics. I have this idea of a symbol of this cat head with crosses for eyes and stars floating over its head like in the cartoons when Itchy and Scratchy get pummelled. Other projects include writing a book for the MEOW demographics, choreographing a bellydance with Isis wings, finding a job (@#$%^), working on my life project. I'm trying not to stress... it's all fun, it's all good.

Curly Girl

Women stop me all the time to ask about my long, naturally curly hair so I thought I would confess a cult secret... I never shampoo it. There I said it. The one time I shampoo'ed it in 3 years, all the curls unraveled. I have lots of support for this socially errant behavior. Anyone with curls must read "Curly Girl" by Lorraine Massey which basically changed my life. I wash and condition my hair daily then put light angel gel in it when wet and walk out the door. I do not own a comb, brush, or a hair dryer. I am a walking billboard for the holiness of Devachan Salon in SOHO, New York City. James, my colorist, is a god. Carlos, my stylist, is a god. I now refuse to let anyone else touch my hair because of the quality of work that these guys do. Their link is www.devachansalon.com. The pilgrimage here, even once, is worth it.

The Voices of Sirens

I love world music and having been lucky to be exposed to a wonderful varied soundplay in my life, stuff that transcends genres and cultures. I am always looking out for good stuff. Two of the most beautiful female voices alive in the world today belong to Anneli Drecker of Norway's Bel Canto and Zara Tellander of Sweden, currently with Cirque du Soleil's Varekai. Anneli Drecker has an amazing voice range and the voice of an angel, as Bel Canto fans already know. Zara Tellander is stunning on "Vocea", as clear and piercing as they come. I want to choreograph a solo dance piece to this haunting song with Isis wings. My favorite male voice prizes go out to Iarla O'Lionaird of Afro Celts (AfroCelt Sound System)and Michael Tomlinson from Seattle. Trained as a traditional Celtic singer from Ireland, Iarla's voice is amazing against any world instrument. And Michael Tomlinson's simply beautiful acoustic guitar and introspective lyrics showcase his voice perfectly. My cats actually purr when he singing, I swear.

"Leaving New York" excerpt - R.E.M.

"Leaving New York" excerpt (part of next entry)

It's quiet now,
And what it brings
Is everything
Comes calling back-
A brilliant night
I'm still awake
I looked ahead
I'm sure I saw you there.
You don't need me
To tell you now
That nothing can compare.

You might have laughed if I told you,
You might have hidden a frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around.
It's easier to leave than to be left behind
Leaving was never my proud
Leaving New York, never easy
I saw the light fading out.

Now life is sweet
And what it brings I tried to take
But loneliness
It wears me out
It lies in way
And all not lost...

Leaving New York, Never Easy

While alot has been written, scripted, filmed, and sung about how great life is in the Big Apple, those of us NYC expatriates leaving the mothership often have this identity crisis that takes months to repair. You belong there but live here, then you don't belong there and you don't belong here, and then very slowly you convert over. Very little is written about us. I have taken solace in the collective experience of my friends who have made this transition. I moved to Philadelphia for professional training, not wanting to leave NYC in the first place, but taking the next best closest thing to it for a boost in my career. One friend met the love of her life and moved here, one came for school, others because life in NYC was getting expensive, and yet others because of work. It took me a painful 6 months to get over the change in energy, another 6 months to form new roots, 6 months to discover Philadelphia's gems, and now 6 months where I am not really wanting to leave. I have the option of moving back to NYC and eventhough I have savored that thought many times as I was going through my transition, I recently visited and am ambiguous. A year ago, I would have moved back in a heartbeat if I could. Yeah, I love the energy of my old stomping grounds. I love seeing my friends. I love knowing where all the things I want are located. But, I also have acquired an appreciation for my space, my time, my peace, and the deeper relationships I have established because a hundred things aren't vying for my time. Oddly, my recent visits have brought on this feeling of "been there, done that". I am uncomforatable at the thought of contorting into a small apartment again eventhough it never bothered me in the first place. Worse is the remembrance of the inevitably painful transition and the possibility of having to do it all over again if I leave NYC again in the future. REM's 'Leaving New York" kept in my head... "Leaving New York's never easy. I saw the light fading out." It is hard. And it still is not perfect. But more and more these days, I am happy where I am.

Waiting for Baby Anika

Here I am in Vallejo, an hour ourside of San Francisco in the northern bay, waiting for a baby that does not wish to come out. No, she does not want to. She teased us. I changed my flight immediately and came two days early not to miss this baby's entrance into the world. But she saw that it was cold and damp, the roof was leaking in her nursery, her big sister Xia was making lots of noise, and she decided to just stay where she was. She is a Zen baby. She doesn't kick, punch, or contract her way to attention.

I have spent much of the last 6 days working on my projects, thinking alot about my goals, playing with my niece, and waiting. Waiting. We still wait. Little Anika, please come out now. I feel just as incubated as you are in your womb. I can't go anywhere because we must be ready. Ragini is tired. And you are right, it is cold and rainy.

I think it will be a very good turn of events when you come out. There are lots of new beginnings and good things waiting to happen. Dreams and goals that must be born also. So with your birth, we can all celebrate. We are ready now.